“Who am I in relation to you?” That’s the question Miranda July asks herself when writing stories.
To me, that’s the question I ask everyday when I go on-line and face the world.
I never shut down my computer. I never turn it off to sleep. I suffered from nights of insomnia. I suffered from breathing fast and sweating all the time. I suffocate in restlessness.
I stuffed all consumable information within sight in long duration of hours – for about a year. Questionably, a lifetime. I listen to many voices around the globe speaking in different languages that I have the ability to calculate in my mind – comprehension.
I had no filter. I was unbiased. I was a useless medium.
I am nothing.
After I came off-screen, I faced the mirror. I looked into the reflection on my compact.
Ugly.
So I came undone. I stormed out of the door, then reshape my vision. I change, every step I take, after all those things I’ve seen around the world. I recreate reality, every chance I got. After all, those voices are calls for my help. I try, and try, and I keep going. I’ve got so much to give.
I run.
When I come back passing the threshold, the room fills in better air. The room feels much better.
I became something else. A program, in relation to you.
But who am I, exactly?
Like I said, I am no-thing.
_________
- Miranda July is a performing artist, film director, actress, and a writer.
- 沁 (qin4) is Stacia’s middle name. (I, Saluna, have no middle name.) Definition from www.mandarintools.com: soak into, seep in, percolate.
- The side 氵means “water” 水 (shui3). To learn more about the Chinese character classification, see Wikipedia.
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